Scars

Do I feel embarrassed because of my scars? "No, not at all", I'll tell you. That's a lie. I'm ashamed of them. They aren't pretty, they aren't a testimony, neither are they some kind of trophy that I can wear with pride to show you how tough I am. They are a weakness, they scare people that I love away, and they bury me with painful memories. Yes, they remind me of the things that I've lived through, but they never make me feel like I'm a survivor. Looking at them hurts, and they just initiate replays of the shame associated with each one and how they came into being. With each glance I regret my life and I know somehow I could have prevented all the suffering connected to me. Yes, they mock me, they laugh in my face, but I'm not going to cover them up. So, stare all you want, because I'm not hiding them, I'm not going to give in and let them rule over my life. I never asked for you to look, so don't act disgusted. Don't give me bullshit because you're appalled by my appearance, I'm not an attention whore. You probably are though, with the fit you throw. Not to be rude Sweetie, but you are the one causing a scene not me. And frankly, your kids aren't scared or upset, that's you. So, grow up, because you're the one who should be kept away from people, not me.